You’re not here and you gave up on me when I was little.
You were out of my life completely by the time i turned three
I was born two months early and doctors didn't know if i was going to survive,
i was in the hospital for two months and neither you or my mother could hold me
At that time in my life i meant the world to you,
you would visit me in the hospital everyday to make sure i was okay.
As i got a little bit older you still loved me like before
but my mother and you would constantly fight and I would be afraid.
I have only one clear memory of you, and its not a good one,
it's one that will be stuck with me the rest of my life.
You held a gun to my mothers head while she was holding me
That memory gave me nightmares until the time i turned 9,
But i bet you didn't know that,
No matter how much i hate you i still cant help
but want to remember the good in you,
as my mother ran away from you and moved me states,
my memory of you slowly faded.
Somedays i would wonder where you were
but, I couldn't stand asking my mother “where is daddy”?
Because tears would fill her eyes.
You were out of my life by the time I turned three.
You tried to get custody of me for a little bit
but eventually you gave up,
to you i wasnt something worth fighting for.
Your a ghost, i can feel your presence weighing me down
but your not even here
You made me feel abandon, like i wasn't worth anything to you
I have that reminder everytime i see my last name,
You made me feel stranded,
like i was in the middle of nowhere with no one to care.
You are like a domino, as you go down you bring everything else that is good with you.
But a new man came into my mothers life.
he changed my perspective on what a father is
It showed me that you never were one.
I wish it was different and you were here for me like he was
He was there for me when i needed help with math and when i won my first soccer game
He has never made me feel the way you had made me feel
You are the were the rain and he is the rainbow that comes after,
A breath of fresh air when i felt like i couldnt breath
I wish i could say i miss you but there is nothing to miss
I have a loving step father that i look up to
He is the reason i strive to be a better person
He stepped up when you were too coward to,
i will forever love him for that,
he made me realize that love is not defined by blood but who wants
and chooses to love you,
I hate that you can say you have a daughter
because you are no father to me,
Another man took your place you were not man enough to fill
But thanks to you,
i have the best role model to look up to
I will continue to grow
and be everything that you aren't,
Because “daddy” wasn't there
--Jazmin S., 9th-12th Grade