From a “We’ll love you always”
From a “We’ll accept you no matter what”
Although it doesn't always seem that way to me.
I get gifts, I go on trips, and I’m not left out,
But sometimes I feel like I can’t ever catch a break.
It feels like I’m toiling for no reason, for no one to notice the effort I put in.
I'm not good at school or anything really,
But I sense I should be more superior than my sister.
I need to be better than her to feel appreciated by my family.
My sister also struggled in school but they think I'm more accountable.
Which is why I pressure myself to be better than her.
They don’t tell me I need to try harder or be better,
I just feel like they do so much for me,
And I don’t do enough to make them proud of me.
They pressure me by not telling me to do better.
My sister and I have always been each other's biggest rival.
Rivalry is like war
My sister and I are always striving for victory against each other.
Growing up my sister always tried to make our races fair.
She would give me advantages since I am three years younger than her.
But no matter what I did she would always win.
No matter how fast I ran, how fast I cleaned, or how fast I did my homework,
She always won, no matter the challenge.
I thought I would always be behind her,
Always after the first
I think of outside school activities as my only way to be number one,
since I was always second.
My goals are a target and I am a bullet.
I always try to aim for the center of the target.
Whoosh, that was me missing the target.
I always try to accomplish my parents expectations, but also go above and beyond on them
I wish I didn’t feel this way but I can only blame myself.
Be better, Be brighter, Be brave
I tell this to myself because I feel this is what my parents are trying to say to me sometimes.
This is why
I blame myself for feeling this way.
I blame myself for thinking this way,
when no one else thinks like me.
And what happens if I don’t meet their expectations, or the one one’s I put in my head.
Will I still be loved if I don’t meet my own expectations? Will they still be proud of me?
--Lillian R., 9th-12th Grade