The sounds coming into my ears, muted like I was underwater.
Desperately needing stitches to cover up the gash cut on the top of my head.
Scars that have vanished and in their place, mental scars that cover my whole body, screaming to be healed.
Appearing from the anxiety and stress caused by my demanding parents.
I’m a younger and older brother,
Being sandwiched in the middle, like the core of an apple.
Looking out for my little brother as I had wished my older brother would have looked out for me.
As the middle child, I am constantly overlooked and disregarded
Feeling insignificant and not as valued as my two brothers,
Constantly seeking attention from you to make up for the times that I was forgotten
For you to be proud of me, it shouldn't require this much work.
Being isolated has made me seek out and try my best to make friends in school.
Wanting to be genuinely cared for by someone other than you.
Wanting to have people to talk to about my problems without being judged.
Wanting someone to listen to what I have to say and mean it.
Compared to my older brother constantly
Whether it’s my handwriting or the way that I communicate with you
You say that I need to go to a good college, just like him
You tell me that I need to get straight A’s, just like him
You declare that I am not trying my hardest, but maybe I am.
At the dinner table and even in front of my grandparents at family gatherings,
Over and over again until what?
And when I tell you how I feel,
You insist that I’m “raising my voice” or “giving you attitude”.
Requiring us to have a brighter future than you were able to have.
I understand that you want us to be better than you, you want to push us to be successful.
You went to college, got your bachelors degree and teach at an elementary school.
You barely graduated high school, and enlisted into the military at the age of 19.
You got accepted into UCLA last year and have straight A’s in college.
I have a life full of decisions in front of me and you make me follow the same path as my brother.
But I am not my older brother and I shouldn't be pressured to be like him.
Like tomatoes and apples, we look alike, but we are different from each other.
Similar in looks, but individual in our taste and personality.
I don't want to be him, I want to be my own person.
I should not be reaching for your expectations,
Maybe you should be lowering them.
The target being too far away to hit, so my arrow falls just beneath it.
And if I'm not able to reach those expectations,
Have I let you down?
--Ethan C., 9th-12th Grade