Siblings and cousins head off to college,
and the house feels empty like a blank page, as empty as the dinner chair
that my sister left when she went off to college. I’m left out,
Surrounded by a silence that feels too blaring.
They are away and I have to step up.
I’m learning to be more independent,
Which is exciting some days, feeling like a big kid
which I never experienced growing up,
But petrifying on other days.
There’s this pressure I feel as heavy as a 10-pound weight,
To match the accomplishments of my older siblings
And cousins.
They are doing so well, better than ever, which I couldn’t be more proud of them for
And I’m trying to keep up, to measure up, putting my own pressure on myself.
I am the one who watches them leave.
I end up doing everything on my own, no longer having the cousin or sister constantly around
That I could ask to do something at any time of day
and they wouldn’t think for a second before saying yes.
People assume I’m unworried, spoiled even,
That life must be easier for me.
But it is not always that simple - not for me.
I have self expectations to just take what is left,
To adjust to whatever comes my way without
Complaining.
But I feel everything so deeply,
Watching them leave, one by one, each
Goodbye heavier than the last as if I wasn’t ever going to see them again.
I have seen them go, and every time it hits
Me hard.
I wonder if I’ll ever be as great as they are.
A quote from “Fantastic Mr. Fox” like it’s so easy,
But I feel intimidated, knocked out by how
Bright they shine.
I am the one who watches them leave
I know one day I am going to wake up
And realize the memories are the rush
Of footsteps and giggles, and I now
Have to get used to the stillness
Of closed doors and the
hum of the fridge.
So to myself, I feel so happy for my siblings and cousins,
I exult them for their victories, their new chapters,
But I know our house won’t echo with their
Laughter the same way, only making an appearance every big holiday now.
Those closed and quiet doors mark a change, a new
Beginning for me,
And I’ll carry their joy with me.
One morning, I wake to a different kind of light.
The house is still quiet, but the silence doesn’t
Weigh as much.
I’m learning to carry the memories of
Our laughter,
The footsteps that used to fill these rooms,
and let them settle into something softer.
I’m finding my own rhythm and way to live here,
In the spaces they left behind and live in during the summer
My siblings and cousins are out there,
Living their lives, just as I’m starting to
Live mine.
We’re all moving forward, on paths that twist
And turn,
But the thread between us holds strong and steady.
When we all come together again,
On some holiday evening,
The doors open, and their voices spill in.
We sit around the table, sharing stories of
Where we’ve been,
And I realize we’re all carrying the same weight
Of change,
The same hope for what’s next.
The house feels alive in a new way,
Not the same as before, but enough.
I’m the youngest, and I’ve grown into
This space,
Part of a family that’s shifting and growing,
but still rooted in the same ground,
Still reaching for each other across the distance.
All just trusting and following God’s plans for our lives.
--Madelynn E., 9th-12th Grade