I Don’t Sleep Anymore

I don’t sleep anymore
And I’m depressed about it
And my phone sits by my bed with an easy out
But it’s never easy to lay in bed awake
Because you’re overtired
And your mind won’t stop thinking about Euphoria season 2
And the fact that it’s really all about
The importance of good parenting
But most people won’t get that
Because they didn’t have good parents
That imparted the importance of taking care of your mental health.

But my parents weren’t great either.
They were good enough to at least give me that knowledge.
My good enough mother
And my good enough father.
Were they though?
Thankfully my therapist doesn’t charge an arm and a leg
or else the only thing that would be good enough would be their bank account.

And Winnicott says my mom should have allowed me only small doses of frustration,
that I was able to take for a time.
But I’ve been frustrated for about 34 years now.

Because I can’t freaking sleep.
And I’m depressed about it.

--Cecily C., Adult