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October 14

I sit in the corner of my room alone
Bittersweet evocation faintly haunts me
No evidence of smile is deemed to show
I whimper alcoholic tears at night

Wishing life didn’t exist
Fear shielding the truth of the battle
Depression revealing tenebrous love
Flooding an abyss with sarcasm

Overpowering, careless fellow
Sending heartbreak to my brain
Cuts, bruises, and overdoses
My subconscious is not okay

Obscure choices to panic
While demons wail symmetrically
I breathe in others’ guilt
I swallow a cup of self-pity

My ominous hunter for cheer
Awaits his throne for his prey
And the monstrous beats of his heart
Appear vague in the night of day

Tear drops of hollow jealousy
Pour down my pale face
And my cheeks, rosy and glacial
Start to fill with regret and hate

With my sheets all soaked in tears
Cradled in a lonesome state of mind

Corner to corner through my veins
Stars from misery seize my day
Ungrateful demons beware
The devil may choose to stare

Flowers of yellow fade dry
My arm continues to cry
Bathtub of valentine gore
Sad spirit falls to the floor

Shaky, trembly, restless
Anxious, impatient, careless
Heart rate increasing beat by beat
His voice stuck in my head on repeat

My hands feel empty without his
My body feels cold without his
My smile feels worthless without his
All our memories thrown in the abyss

Counting sheep
1, 2, 3
Make-believe
Lovely dreams

No more laughter
No more cheer
No more blood
And no more tears

Pointless monthly memories
Trashy hope and nicotine
Alone in a crowded room
Emptiness all cause of you

Stolen firearm, backpack proof
Plan to end was coming true
Told a friend who told the school
Got caught and chained, stupid fool

ER patience and parents persuasion
Tears and fears were their equation
Ambulance ride to Sacramento
All because I told him so

Then began my endless journey
To get mental treatment in no hurry
Medication, meditation
Heavy hearts and missed occasions

Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween
16th birthday, New Years Eve
All in lock up but celebrated
Smiles around and dedication

Psycho hospital 3 hours away
For 23 days I had to stay
Tears, birthday, abusing walls
Laughter, silence, counted calls

3 months time in Antioch
Group home, depressed on the clock
Screams and romance forbidden
Friendships ruined and a sin

Happiness seemed impossible
Getting out was my one goal
Out now, continued therapy
Lost girlfriend, happening
Friends apart, drift to air
I’m only one left who cares

Yeah, October 14, was a scare
No one, nor I, was prepared
Long journey behind and forward I go
To stay happy and harmless, I hope

-- Skylar P., 9th-12th Grade Guest