Pages

Where'd You Come from and How'd You Get Here'.....

You know.....
I honestly believe that you were sent to me with a purpose; a purpose in which I search to find reasoning.
You truly showed up..... in my "Deepest and Darkest hour".....
Finding me at the corners of
"Lost" and "Confused".
And like the winds on the sands of Sahara, you began to shape me and mold me into what you may have thought I'd look like before you found me......
Or maybe I was that perfect childhood toy; a "Doll" that was dragged around, dropped and broken, however you found life past my scars and perfect imperfections;
I really don't know?
I mean..... I find true delight and comfort in you and am truly amused by your nurturing touch and your willingness to open my eyes, to all the beauty and vivid colors around me!
Yet..... I still struggle to see clearly......
Because so, I put myself on the outside looking in. Pressing my face upon your glass; tapping on it and looking inward,
in amazement.....
You have given me something so much needed.....
The touch of a woman's hand, or the embrace of your body pressed against mine or even just that way
you look into me....
It leaves me in such pain, mearly because I don't know how it should feel.
One thing that I know for sure is that
I need you, to need me...
I want you, to want me...
I want to share, I want to love and I want to experience things with you....
I want the ability to give you all of myself....
In fact..... The very best of me...
To shoot you over the top... beyond the moon and the stars into another dimension and take us to heights unthought of and places unkown.....
Its at this very spot, where I want to nestle in and seek rest in your heart, I wanna take root and sprout, so I can grow vines and leaves and begin to wrap myself around you; mending together so we can be strong and healthy...
I want to eat from your garden..... Tasting your fruits
Feeding from each other, getting that much needed nourishment, not needing to thirst any longer.......
So beautiful!!!!!
For these reasons alone, I have put you under "My microscope"..... analyzing your curvature and studying your body lines, your face, your eyes, your lips....
Looking for that single point of entrance where I can ease my way in and find shelter within you to rest my heavy load...
But.....
My fear...... Hmmm.....
My fear is that
being a creature of habit, just as I am; that my vegetation will overtake you by from which the earth I come....
That I may suffocate you and stump your growth.
Now you'll be that "Sand".....
shaped and sculpted just right for me. I wanna build you up and never break you but..... maybe its just better to let you run through my hands and set you free.
Or maybe you're that doll....
Battered and bruised from the constant dragging and careless dropping only to be put back on the shelf for another day.
I love you so much that it scares me..... It shouldn't hurt this much but still I need you more.....
I want to do what's right
but, I don't......
Because I can't.....
Though at times, I feel like I have to because perhaps life has a different path for you right now and unfortunately you just happened to find me on your
roads less traveled.....
And if so, then
"I get it";
It's okay..... but like I told you before, it's better that I should release you back into the wild from which you came rather than to keep you in a cage to be admired and held up by my own selfishness.
I'll never ask you to love me or want you to stay if you don't
but I never want you to leave......
I'm hoping and praying that the reasons you are here with me, be exposed..... Showing me true love with defining meaning!
--Michael J, Adult