Mother Dearest

Might as well have written disgrace
Upon my infant neck
Ever since I was born you considered me a threat

Sure I admit I am a wreck
Even a bad child but I still loved you
And I’m so lucky you still loved me

Hi hello it’s me again
Remember? The first kid that you’ve wanted?
Bet you’ve changed your mind now

God what a fool I was
To think that a mothers love goes undaunted
When in reality I became a financial obligation

You’ve protected me from things I can’t comprehend
But might as well have written entitled
Into my newborn skull

As soon as I don’t follow orders
I’m seen as a disobedient dog
On and off again like a broken switch

Sometimes when I’m just existing
Every hot breath I take
It’s a cold jab at my heart

I can not express the gratitude that I have for you.
You work till you can’t feel yourself anymore
You deserve so much appreciation that I haven’t given you.

The answer to your question is that
I’m not a machine and I bend colors just as well as you
I’m a human being after all

Hey wanna hear a joke? Knock knock!
Oh whose there? My constant thought of never being good enough or a favorite?
Wow! It’s my favorite! Being told that I’m not good enough by not living up to another persons standards!

Thousands of tears shed because of hurtful crimes
Thousands of thoughts thinking about how I’m your pet
Chasing my tail because I am so unworthy

You should’ve branded failure
Upon my fragile chest
Confused and pained

What have I done wrong?

I love you
But do you really even love me?
I’m just an obligation who learned how to breathe

--Ashley M., Adult