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Freedom

I strap on the safety belt across my chest. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself for the ride of the day. It's a daily rollercoaster ride when I'm with you.
A never ending adventure. The adrenaline and excitement keep me going throughout this unexpected journey of our relationship. I look ahead and study the twists and turns of todays ride. But more frequent, it becomes a free fall rather than a straight ride through. I curiously stare down below me. Confused as to how everyone has the ability to walk on their own two feet. I have never understood the envy I have towards the connection one shares with a foundation.

10 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. And I've always pondered why our foundation was a little bit more distinct than everyone else's. We spent the first 5 years creating a blueprint we would never understand. A blindfolded layout that created more heartache than we both could have imagined.

1,825 days on this rollercoaster and I have effortlessly organized every detail of my leap into the last heartbreak we will ever endure. I close my eyes and imagine you tightening my seatbelt, begging me to never get off of this ride without you. But the moment they open I come to the realization that this was never a two person journey. Just a lonely and fearful voyage.

The anxiety is almost overwhelming. Confusion starts to overpower the adrenaline and I feel like I'm drowning. Every pessimistic thought begins to invade my mind, distracting me from all of the twists and turn. Did I lose you along the way? Or were you never buckled in beside me.
The panic begins to escalate as I glance over & discover that you have in fact, ALWAYS been responsible for manipulating the acceleration of this fucked up ride. Launching me into a full speed that's almost unbearable. When I call for you I hear no response. How long have I been here alone? Without you? I've been too scared to open my eyes and I've always trusted the feeling of your presence beside me. I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up.

The thought of riding this rollercoaster alone has never crossed my mind. My imagination has always dragged me into this painted whirlwind of a conjoined century buckled on this ride together. The continuous crying for you to return has only started to make my throat bleed. I've realized that you've escaped this ride with the intention of never getting back on. How did I not see this coming? How can I be such a fool to ride this ride almost blindfolded. Not even a peep.

But now that you're gone, I'm finally able to build up the courage to unfasten my seatbelt. Ready to let this courage assemble into freedom. A freedom that I was only able to dream about. As I reach down to pull the emergency release, the rollercoaster comes to a screeching halt. I've always been in control of this ride.


--Adriana G., Adult