My Life at 14

I woke up this morning
Looking at a brick wall.
I thought I was dreaming
When I saw the man in the hall.
He yelled out my last name,
“Breakfast?” he asked
I shook my head no
And he walked away fast.
Again I closed my eyes
Then tears stared to fall
I took a trip to the past
And brought it back all.
The times I was molested
And the times I was raped.
I was an innocent child
Without any faith...
9 years old and I thought,
“Life is over, this is the end”
When least I expect it
The nightmare begins.
10 years old smoking dope
Messing around,
Looking for love
While it was no where to be found.
At 11 I lived in the streets
In the streets of L.A
I had my mom worried,
But the drugs made it okay.
My uncle died when I was 12
So from the streets I returned,
I went to live with my grandparents
But more feelings came in turn.
I started to drive them crazy,
So I chose to run away.
Now 13 back on the streets
Smoking crank everyday.
In and out of Juvenile Hall
In between the years,
I went through different programs
To try and face my fears.
But every time I ran away.
Afraid that it may show,
All that I had hidden
And didn’t want them to know.
Now I’m 14 years old
And I got caught up again.
This time the judge wasn’t playing,
When he said 3 years Marin.
So now I sit back in a cell
And I try to understand...
Why am I being punished?
When all I asked for was a hand.
I was in search of love...
I needed just one friend,
To help ease all the pain,
And make the hurting end.
Instead I was rejected looked at in funny ways.
Wannabe homies turned their backs
And even relatives walked away.
Now what can I do?
But sit back and do my time?
People may not get this,
But needing was my crime...

Written at the age of 14 as an inmate at the California Youth Authority (VYCF)

--Adriana G., Adult