Unruly Sin

I suppose that I'm happy
I laugh at their jokes
I smile at their nonsense
My family's great
It could be worse
Yet it could be better
Then night time approaches
The fear settles in
And I hear the reproaches
The fault is all mine
It always has been
I question myself
And deny the diagnosis
I'm certain it's me
An unruly sin
All of that joy is nothing but false
I try to embrace
But I'm burning on fire
I'm falling apart
Everything scares me
The judgement and thoughts call me a liar
My emotions run deep
I wish i could see them
To give them a punch
And break them apart
However they are the ones
That have damaged my heart
I cling on to hope
And wait for my sleep
They pay me a visit each night
They know how to win
I hide in my room
I'm beginning to cave
Under my blankets
I find a relief
As I cry in dismay
Gasping for air
My breath has slowed down
Tears run down my cheek
As I've done it again
I want to tell you
That I'm really sad
It won't take much time
It'll be very brief
I alter that thought

-- Yelisa A., Adult