Sleepless Nights

Wrapped around these sleepless nights,
Oh, these sleepless nights.
I just can't sleep.
There are visions of you in my mind:
The delusions of me and you wedding--happily ever after.
Declaring those sacred “I do’s.”
Need I say more?

But reality strikes-it happens every single time,
And trust me, I know.
I know it's nothing more than these simple rhymes.
Are they the remedy? I don't think so anymore.

So why, oh why, do I become so stagnate? Am I a bore?
Your love is gone, and you're all I know.
Tears swell up. Oh, these tears-followed by more tears-have shed for us—
My soul lay buried in my imaginary dust.
This should come as no surprise.
I was relentless to keep alive what we had!

I now block it out to give myself a fighting chance,
To experience mutual love that God only knows—
God only knows if I'll ever fall out of this love for you.
Revelations at one time only to be destroyed by my passionate choice—
And I kept choosing you—you, you, and YOU.

I breathe it in and then let it go.
I fall asleep, dripped in my wet tears—soulless—
But hopeful with a fighting chance that only God can give.
Each day your absence makes my heart stronger and this mind wiser.
Was it worth it? I guess.
Only as I lay here and write this can I be awakened and feel—free from idolizations.

I feel you.
Feel me briefly then lock it up and throw it far.
I throw it far away from me,
And it falls far, far back—into those wonderland dreams.
Sleepless nights, were you worth not sleeping?
No, you weren't.

-- Lori L., Adult