I Wish You Knew

I wish you knew,
of the pain you left
upon my innocent heart
which held a love so pure and true
for you, that I thought nothing could make me
lose this affection and adoration I felt towards you

I wish you knew,
the ribbons of agony
my beating heart became
after the brutal scraping of malicious
words that I never thought would come from
such soft, gentle lips which had been pressed against mine so many times

I wish you knew
the struggles I faced
alone, with a darkness emerging
from deep within me that was only brought
out at the thought of you, it was demanding and consuming
of my being, driving me to an insanity that only existed in a mindset created by you

I wish you knew
you left when I needed
you the most, when I had to bury
my dead brother with divorced parents
who’s hatred clouded over the service, drizzling
with anger towards one another for letting their only son leave and serve his country

I wish you knew
of the questions that
collected on the end of my tongue
as to why you left me the way you had
did I deserve being left in the rain with your aching
words, beginning their destruction upon a heart that you cradled so tenderly

I wish I knew
that you never wanted
me, but the cash stapled to my name
as the school’s Least Likely To Date girl, with
her pointy nose and flat chest and knobby knees,
I was labeled that girl and never knew of it, for that would take the fun out of this game

But now you know
that this is good-bye, you
were never worth my time or my tears
my love for you was never love, but a desperate cling to
a person’s attention for me during a moment of utter loneliness
I am strong and will survive because that is how I win, by showing what I can do without you

I wish I knew that a long time ago

-- Kelsey L., 17