Addicted to Addict

Insanity is when everything remains the same but you expect different results.
I knew that so I tried it all,
But it ends up with the same insults.

Those raging words-
I've heard them all too many times.
I've seen the way those vessels of his
pop from anger in his eyes.

I'm ready to wake up from this nightmare;
This addiction life of his.
My only dream after we got married was to be his happy "Mrs."
That dream was shattered quick enough.
I wish I had my true love back; my sweet Christian man who is not so rough.

People ask me why I'm still around, that I'm here because I like it.
The truth is I'm here because I've refused to let him die, I see the good in him.
I just hate his disease, I don't like it one bit.

I crave his recovery, and to be there for him along the way.
I have visions that all of this will soon just go away.
It's a long journey of hope that may possibly have no destination.
I'm scared that all of my dreams of his recovery are just a part of my imagination.

It's been no road trip, only a bumpy ride.
I've lost the count of how many times we have both desperately cried.
He feels the guilt, the pain, the shame...
But that's exactly why I ask myself why instead of change it all remains the same?

I've accepted that I can't change him, that I can only worry about my soul.
Lord knows I've prayed to seek answers and to feel the Almighty's console.
I'm too sick in his disease to see what is clear.
All I know is that I'm too tired and don't want to shed another tear.

-- Erika S., Adult